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I'm perfectly capable of enjoying sex without engaging in them or thinking about them; I'm perfectly capable of enjoying masturbation without fantasizing about them. It's not an absolutely necessary component of my sexual arousal and pleasure. A majority of my masturbation fantasies involve spanking to at least some extent. I watch a fair amount of standard modern spanking porn.
(I do think that core sexual desires, such as being gay or more deeply rooted fetishes, aren't very malleable; and unless it's a fetish that non-consensually hurts other people, I don't see any reason to try.) But my new interests are fetishes in the less-standard sense. But while it's not absolutely necessary, it's pretty darned central. (I switch around a lot in my mind -- from bottom to top, from girls to boys, from participant to voyeur, from cruel force to cheerful consent -- but it's a good bet that if I'm having a sex fantasy, somebody somewhere is getting spanked.) When I look for porn -- porn purely to get myself off, not porn to expand my erotic horizons or satisfy my yen for literate sex writing -- I generally look for spanking porn. (Mostly on Spanking Tube -- it's free, and I'm broke.) These images are well-worn standards of standard modern spanking porn, cliches even, and I see them a lot. After all, there are other standard tropes of modern spanking porn that haven't grabbed my libido at all. but I'm pretty "Meh" about leather paddles and floggers that you'd get at a sex shop.
Now, these aren't full-blown fetishes in the standard sense.
They aren't a necessary component of my sexual arousal and satisfaction. There's little doubt in my mind where these fetishes were acquired.
Professional dominatrices (dominant women who submissive men hire for consensual sadomasochism) are not a recent addition to the workforce; before her death in 1836, a London-based dominatrix named Theresa Berkley operated an early 19th century equivalent of what would be called a BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism and masochism) dungeon today.
Submissive men went to Berkley’s establishment to be chained up, whipped, birched and caned, and she enjoyed a loyal clientele.
With it's easier than ever to have an open conversation with other people who are interested in BDSM and want to share new ideas and experiences with you. The best way to learn is to talk to other people in the community, and always get opinions from different people.
It goes roughly like this: Sexual desires, including sexual fetishes, are developed early in life. They can't be changed by social pressure or changing conditions or the personal wish to get rid of them, and they aren't subject to the whims of fashion. Porn caters to existing fetishes and desires -- not the other way around. And I'm coming to the conclusion that it isn't necessarily true.
Here's my problem with this truism: I have, in recent months and years, acquired some fetishes that I never had before.
Madonna, Nine Inch Nails, Joan Jett and other musical stars brought sadomasochistic imagery to their audiences, and Hollywood films like 1994’s “Exit to Eden” (starring Dana Delaney and Rosie O’Donnell) depicted sadomasochists as a combination of sexy, humorous, fun and edgy.
References to BDSM have even found their way to mainstream television programs ranging from the sitcom “Frasier” to the long-running daytime soap opera “The Young and the Restless.” Before the 1990s, vanilla porn films (that is, porn films that aren’t sadomasochistic in nature) avoided depictions of even light BDSM; now, it isn’t unusual for vanilla porn to include scenes that involve mild spanking or light bondage.
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